12 store-bought pizzas you should buy in the frozen aisle - Thrillist Australia (2023)

They say there's no such thing as a bad pizza, but that hasn't stopped the frozen food industry from conducting a decades-long experiment to disprove the old adage. Coarse cheese, freezer burnt pepperoni, and a flat crust have already played their part in frozen pies. Still, advances in the science of shell-enhancement have forced retailers to step up their game. We now live in the golden age of frozen pizza, and some are even better than the chains.

To find the best, I've spent the last two and a half years risking hypothermia in the frozen food aisle to taste test the most popular frozen pies on the shelves. Criteria: I selected all the major brands available in their classic, most basic forms and rated them based on cheese, sauce, texture, crust, and overall flavor. If pepperoni was an option, I went with it (I'm only human after all). Other than that, plain cheese. And good, there's also one that has bits of bacon as a side dish - but no French bread, bagels, pockets or specials. Just good old pizza. This quest is ongoing, will be updated regularly, and will continue until I eat them all or my doctor intervenes. Here are 12 cakes I'll be waiting for in 2020.

California Pizza Kitchen Crispy, thin crust

What is good:This pie from the famous pizzeria chain adjacent to the mall has a few props to make it a bit more refined: the pepperoni has a distinct smokiness, there are small diced tomatoes, and the cheese blocks - mozz and smoked gouda - are randomly speckled with basil, as if a stoned teenager in the mall personally shook the herb on top. The crust is also distinguished by a biscuit texture and a slight saltiness.

Room for improvement:These squiggles are also a bit of a letdown as they give the illusion that you've ordered a much better pizza before its total meh reminds you it was frozen. If you ordered it from a restaurant, you'd be disappointed. Unless you orderedhos California Pizza Kitchen, then you are probably on a high school date in Central America.

Digression:CPK has recently launchedtakeaway salehis restaurant cakes. If you have a CPK nearby, using the oven is much tastier. They also freeze very well. Margherita and white cheese frozen pizza versions are also good options to try.

Tabel 87 Kulovn Margherita

What is good:It's truly shocking that it took so long for anyone to put a New York piece in the freezer, but afterShark tankInvestment launches Brooklyn's Table 87 Coal Oven Pizza domestically and stands out with its giant frozen margherita slice. The huge triangle's flavor profile is solid: a great gooey cheese with just a hint of salt, fresh sprigs of basil, and a pizzeria-sized sauce that strikes the balance between sour and sweet.

Room for improvement:The only thing stopping him is the shell; somewhere in the manufacturing process it lost its springiness and came out of the kiln compact and brittle. Moreover, the cracker-like texture often causes the slice to burst. Still, it's better than any number of fake Famous Rays fakes you stumble across late at night in NYC, and an impressive feat of innovative frozen pizza... the round portion version.

American Flatbread uncured pepperoni and uncured bacon

What is good:One of the few frozen pizzas that can rightly be mistaken for a restaurant dough - but don't confuse it with the iconic Vermont pizzeria of the same name - American Flatbread manages a high level of pliability in its springy, slightly tart dough base that is easy to fold unlike their pope brothers Things get interesting in the toppings department, too: not content with pepperoni slices, this basic pie features bits of bacon chopped to the consistency of pork floss. Does it taste like bacon? Not really. Would I pull it? Probably.

Room for improvement:But really, I wish the bacon tasted more like bacon, and I imagine larger pieces would do the trick instead of being overpowered by pepperoni spice. And while the batter is deliciously tart, it also has a sticky layer that distracts from the crunchy surface. But they are smaller. Now pass that string of bacon.

Newman's own uncured pepperoni

What is good:Here's a pizza you can feel good about: Newman's Own donates all its profits to charity. But it can also make you feel a little sluggish when you have it all covered. The cheese here is quite on point and the sauce has a hint of spice that goes well with the thicker than usual uncured pepperoni.

Room for improvement:It's a damn good frozen pizza until you consider the crust, which can't get past the cardboard phase. Still, the whole package more than makes up for some of the blandness in the backend. AsThe color of money.

Screamin' Sicilian Holy Pepperoni

What is good:With its goofy/funny mustache-cut packaging, Screamin' Sicilian has made a splash with the new wave of pizzas vying for space in your freezer. The shell is actually foldable and does not have the characteristic cardboard texture. The cheese in particular is dynamite, with an extensibility approaching the caliber of a pizzeria. Coarsely sliced ​​pepperoni is applied generously.

Room for improvement:The only thing that keeps it from being true great is the sauce which is just too spicy and fulfills the promise/threat of "taste bud attack" on the box. It's a matter of personal taste, although it would be much easier to ignore if the sauce wasn't so heavily used. It's a solid pizza.

Prance

What is good:If you measure it right, the crust is bouncy and downright delightful. It can't compare to the pizzeria bounce you get from the thicker crust offerings, but it's close and the stringy cheese makes the experience much better. The pepperoni gives it some meaty saltiness, but it's not admirable or anything. It's a bit general, but in a great way.

Room for improvement:The sauce here is a real pity. He has a kick that overpowers anything that would be fine if that thing wasn't swimming inside him. It just drowns out everything. It's a shame to derail such a solid cake - and make no mistake, it's a solid cake. Good news? Freschetta makes a great brick-oven square cake, but that just makes OG's demise in the finish that much more tragic.

Pepperoni-style Milwaukee Outsiders

What is good:There is no such thing as a Milwaukee-style pizza, despite the package claiming to exist and the presence of a variety filled with spicy sausage, caramelized onions and cream cheese. No, what is it.Tavern style cake. But they manage it somehow, semantics be damned. It's a rare thin offering that actually nails the whole "thin" crust, but it's the sauce - sweet, salty, not spicy at all mixed with the salty, smoked cheese that puts it on top. In addition, pepperoni, presented in slices and coarsely chopped pieces that become a little charred, is the most flavorful and least fatty of all. There is no such thing as Milwaukee style pizza. But if that's how it tastes frozen, then maybe it should be.

Room for improvement:It's hard to fault this cake. Will it ever surpass your favorite local pizzeria? Probably not... but maybe if your pizzeria serves cardboard slices. I'd say it's as good as any - if not better - than any pizza on this list.

Signature Select Rising Crust

What is good:First, a cake that tastes almost the same as HOT-N-READY from Little Caesars. This isn't exactly the epitome of takeaway, but it does hit a certain point of nostalgia. It's speckled with parmesan cheese (a nice touch) which gives it an almost mad, bready feel, and the crust almost completely avoids that cardboard texture. It is springy, crispy and fluffy. Well done, unbranded pizza (available at stores like Safeway, Vons and Albertsons!).

Room for improvement:It's topped with what appears to be pizza soup, a combination of mozz and a thin, relatively tame sauce that feels more like an afterthought until you think there's so much of it. And the pepperoni—here sliced ​​and thickly striped—is definitely Brand X. Five paper towels later, it was still a slippery smear of grease, and combined with the sauce and cheese, it completely turned the middle into a mess of pasty shit. You know, when all the topping comes off, it's a bad sign. The closer you get to the shell, the better it will be. But that's a lot of wasted downtown real estate that should normally be the best part of the pizza.

in the morning

What is good:Cheese? Salty and flexible. Sauce? Slightly sweet, but with a pleasant aftertaste of red pepper. More importantly, unlike many frozen pizzas, it doesn't seem to be used by a hyperactive 2-year-old who has a free hand with a pot and a giant ladle. No, you would never believe it was a delivery. But you probably wouldn't worry about it either, because it's one of the most balanced and polished options of all the options in your freezer. You see it at the top of such lists all the time for good reason.

Room for improvement:Look, this is not a "real" pizza. The crust is very hard on the bottom and doughy on top. But this pizza looks like it really, really tries to be a real pizza and succeeds in a great way. I'd rather eat this than Domino's or Papa Murphy's any day.

Pizza Romana Pepperoni

What is good:For the first time in this frozen pizza guide, a pizza came out of my oven that wouldn't look out of place in a real cardboard pizza box, with sizzling cheese and a big bubble in the dough. And on the first bite, the texture of the crust is quite unusual: it's springy and doughy and can be folded in half without breaking into biscuits.

Pizza Romana is actually imported from Italy and available in fancy and family grocery stores as well as shows of its heritage. The cheese actually stretches! Pepperoni is a team player, not a foodie! The sauce is... well, to be honest, the sauce is a bit forgettable. Still, there's a lot to love here. If this came from a pizzeria, it would probably be in the top 10 in most average cities, unless that city was Florence, in which case it would probably be number 700, which is still pretty good.

Room for improvement:The only thing stopping it is a specific aftertaste that distracts from the quality because someone thought it would be nice to make every third bite taste like Totino's Party Pizza. This is a very minor distraction though. And as I mentioned earlier, the sauce isn't the most unusual - but it's not bad.

Table 5 Uncured Pepperoni

What is good:Table 5 tastes like what would happen if someone tried to make itChicago style deep plate, then resigned, reduced the number of add-ons and called it good. Fantastic, even. There are so many things that work in favor of this thing that it challenges the notion of what a frozen pizza is. It starts with the signature cornmeal crust, which doubles as a buttery, decadent storage dish, and also serves as a reward at the end of the slice. No kidding, if I got this crust at a pizzeria I'd be very excited: it does the same thing, bypassing the need to go the rising crust route and instead offering a base that wouldn't be out of place on some fancy-pants artisan pizza joint. It's a shell with an identity. It's a shell that knows who it is and doesn't try to be anything but itself. Plus, the generously applied pepperoni has a nice zipper and the cheese has an impressive elasticity.

Room for improvement:The only complaint I have is the sauce. It's actually very good - spicy, slightly sweet, nicely balanced with herbs. But there's almost nothing on it until you get to the crust. In fact, for a moment I thought something was wrong and there was no sauce at all. Then I got to the third bite and realized it was back there. It did a nice trick: every bite of this pizza gets better, right down to the superlative crust. Then you can start all over again. What I did. Until the whole cake was devoured within 15 minutes.

Home Run Inn

What is good:It's not the kind of pizza you imagine when you want a quick bite, unless you grew up with it in Chicago and went to a very specific pizzeria (called the Home Run Inn, in case you weren't aware). It's not a deep dish or a Chicago thin crust: it's more of a hybrid that takes the butteriness of a deep dish and then flattens it out. The crust is thick, rich and buttery rather than airy and tastes like a cross between a biscuit and a savory pie. But when mixed with a slightly sweet and sour sauce, a blanket of impeccable salt and elastic mousse, and a slightly spicy uncured pepperoni, a kind of magical alchemy emerges. No, this is not what you imagined when you decided to get pizza at the grocery store. This is better. The best frozen pizza on the market, indeed.

Room for improvement:No criticism here.Sign hereto our daily Thrillist email isign up hereto our YouTube channel for the best in food/drinks/entertainment.

Andy Kryzahe's a senior editor at Thrillist who could really pick up something that isn't pizza right now. Maybe like a bite of a bagel. Follow him for the heartburn medicine@apkryza.